I realized I was carrying the emotional weight of dozens of clients. The day I stopped coaching from feelings and started coaching from data was the day I stepped out of the approval trap. Now when someone says a strategy isn't working, my first response is, 'Let's look at the numbers.' That shift gave both of us our power back.

Childhood should be a time of building a strong foundation and a bridge to adulthood. It should be a time of carefree days, laughter, and joy. It was not that for me. My childhood was a time of traumatic experiences and darkness. As those childhood years ended, my pain did not. As an adult, I became someone who was seeking the approval of others. In my role as a housing program manager, I was required to attend management training alongside my manager. As part of the training, I was required to complete a questionnaire assessing my effectiveness as a manager. My manager had to complete the same questionnaire, revealing how effective she thought I was as a manager. Before the trainer gave me my manager's questionnaire, she said to me, "If you would like to talk to me privately, just let me know." When I read the questionnaire completed by my manager, I realized she thought I had no ability to do the job she hired me to do. All of the things I had done to show her I could handle the job meant absolutely nothing. I was devastated and angry. After leaving the training and sitting alone in my car, those old tapes began to play in my head about how worthless I was and how I would never amount to anything. I screamed to myself, "This is it, no more". I went home and began searching through my Bible for every scripture that told me who I was in God's eyes. Every day I studied my Bible. I went back to my roots. Through all of my childhood trauma, I had been active in my church and my Christian walk. As I studied, God replaced all of that junk in my head with His love for me. I began to believe I could do anything with the power of God beneath my wings. I put God first, and the pressure of trying to please others slowly melted away. Research shows that approximately 64% of all adults in the US have experienced at least one traumatic event before the age of 18. I believe my purpose is to help as many of these hurting adults as I possibly can through my life coaching program, Next Level Living. I know who I am, whose I am, and why I am here.

For a long time, I did not think of myself as someone who chased approval. I was capable, independent, and responsible. I did what needed to be done and did it well. What I eventually realized was that I was still measuring myself by how reasonable, acceptable, or easy I was to live with for other people. The turning point was noticing how often my ambition needed explaining. Wanting more was treated like something that required justification. I found myself softening my goals, downplaying my drive, or translating my decisions so they felt less threatening. That was approval seeking, just dressed up as being practical or considerate. When I stopped chasing it, the biggest change was internal. I no longer needed consensus to move forward. I trusted my own judgment enough to act without waiting for reassurance. That shift changed how I showed up at work. I stopped managing perceptions and focused on doing meaningful, difficult work. My confidence became quieter but more solid because it was based on capability, not reaction. Some relationships changed. A few became more honest. A few fell away. But the ones that remained felt lighter because I was no longer negotiating who I was allowed to be. Letting go of that pressure gave me back a sense of agency. My self worth stopped being something I earned through performance and became something I carried with me. What I found on the other side of approval was not arrogance or isolation. It was clarity. And with that clarity came freedom.